Piracy and Arrrring, a love-hate relationship...

an article from highland

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So, now I've been passed the torch of providing content for the great Arrrr.com . Perhaps I'll write more, perhaps no readers will like me and I'll be arrrr'ed right the hell out of Dodge. Well, whatever the repercussions of this may be, Arrrr here we go. Pirates, our sea-faring brothers to the north(south, west, and east as well) have had a profound affect on all of our every day lives. How you ask? Well, I'll tell you if you read the rest of the damn article and quit asking me how pirates affect you, not everything is about you. Anyhow , as I was saying, pirates have had more than a small hand in shaping the Americas as you know them today. And thanks to the lovely website www.piratesinfo.com. I've been enlightened to the dismal fact that I would be nothing without the pirates of old.

As you can see here, pirates invented the middle name. They all happened to have the same middle name, but that was coincidence. Without pirates, we wouldn't have great historical names like Samuel The-Pirate Adams or George The-Pirate Washington. Pirates also invented the modern workers compensation system. Thanks to pirates, when your every day average Joe the-pirate Construction Worker loses his left testicle in a horrible nail gun accident, he can receive money, because the company has to pay him for the entertainment he has provided to the other workers through his tragedy, cause I mean, shit it would be funny to see someone get shot in the balls with a nail gun. Well thanks to pirates, Joe receives his money, and gets to spend the next ten years at home on the couch with a cold six pack, watching the tube, icing his nuts (nut). As you can see by this diagram, also from www.piratesinfo.com, pirates could make a shit load of doubloons just be being careless, just like our modern day blue collar workers.

Pirates also contributed many beautiful aspects of our English language. Such words as Arrrr.., ahoy matey, land lubber, scallywag, and hundreds of other widely used words all came from a pirate based origin. Pirates also invented the disease that is now known as scurvy, but to them was simply known as Arrrr my fuckin' gums be bleedin' again matey disease. And because everyone knows that vitamin C is for pussies and yuppie assholes, pirates could do nothing but go on with their every day lives.

So in conclusion, pirates kick ass, and if you run across one he's sure to kick your ass. So watch out, and keep your eyes open next time you go sailing the 7 seas looking for booty.

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Duck you Sucker!
Copy-right-handed-rule until the end of the known universe by Kent.
Last Modified: Saturday, 07-Apr-2007 17:20:57 CDT
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